Archive

Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

The best Ultimate Superhero dream team

December 20, 2009 28 comments

It’s the year 2079 and the world as we know it is no more.

Human beings have ceased to exist. We were replaced by a race of advanced mutants each armed with a genetically determined superpower. It is now a world that the great Magneto had envisioned, with mutants living in peace and prosperity. And you are a such a mutant.

In this advanced civilization, Ultimate Frisbee has become the only professional sport due to its clear superiority over all other sports. It is played by everyone, and in every corner of the world where the legal marijuana plants can be found. It is indeed an odd coincidence.

Despite your best efforts, you managed to just barely graduate from Mutant University, leaving you with no employment opportunities. But luck shines and you. Your rich uncle who you’ve never met has just passed away leaving no one to manage the professional Ultimate Frisbee team he owns. The job is now yours, and the pay ain’t bad either.

Due to another strange coincidence, every one of the former players became a free agent this year and has decided to sign with other clubs. You can recruit any 7 superheros to play for your team. Who do you choose?

choices, choices

Here are the rules and limitation for the World Ultimate Frisbee League

1. The players you choose must have at one time been, or is currently a superhero in a comic, cartoon, or movie. Villains are not allowed, at least for this league. Deceased superheros may be resurrected for the purpose of this game.

2. Each superhero may only choose one superpower to use during the entirety of the game. At no point may any player use multiple powers or a combination of powers. Example: Superman may fly, but he cannot use his laser eyes. Speed and strength are not considered super powers.

Restricted powers: Teleportation, invisibility, stopping time, and mind control. These powers may be used only with the agreement of the opposing captain.

3. If the superhero does not have superpowers (batman) s/he may choose one and only one weapon or tool to use. Superheros with superpowers may not use weapons or tools, however, they may forgo using their superpower for the ability to use a weapon or tool.

4. Powers may not be used to injure or kill opposing players. Powers may also not be used to remove opposing players from play. Such actions will result in automatic forfeit of the game. Inhibiting opposing players from play is allowed, e.g. freezing, binding, disorienting.

5. The disc to be used is the standard 175 gram Discraft Ultrastar. The disc may not be destroyed during game play. Destruction of the disc counts as an automatic score for the opposing team.

6. The field is an expanded Ultimate Frisbee field. 300 yards long, 120 yards wide, with 2 30 yard deep end zones. The field may not be altered or destroyed in any way, such actions will result in automatic forfeit.

7. UPA 10th edition rules will apply. 2 observers will be present to settle any disputed calls. The observers may not be harmed or mind controlled, although they can be seduced.

Now choose your team!

The superhero draft

Your first match will be against the reigning world champions the United Alliance, and this is who they have.

Coach – Professor X. He’ll know what you and your team is thinking before you realize it yourself.

1. Superman, Deep threat – Super fast, super strong, can fly, has laser and x-ray vision, literally has too many powers to list.

2. Captain America, handler- The dude is a natural with a disc. He is the primary handler/puller/hucker of the team.

3. Mr. Fantastic, defender – The best defender you could face. He can get d blocks like a mother*&$ker.

4. Jean Grey, all around/disc manipulation – Telekinesis, nuff said. Could destroy the world if she gets mad and becomes Phoenix, so don’t get her mad.

5. Storm, defender/disc manipulation – Wind makes throws difficult, now how bout a tornado? Watch out for lighting bolts.

6. Flash, popper – The fastest thing on two feet.

7. The Haitian (Heroes), defender against powersThe Ultimate defense, can take away the powers of your entire team. Downside is, his team loses their powers too.

This team has speed (Superman, Flash), handling ability (Captain America), defense (Mr. Fantastic, the Haitian), and environmental control (Storm, Jean Grey). It will be very tough if not impossible to beat this team under the given restrictions. So give it your best shot.

You must choose a coach, and 7 players who can defeat this team. Choose a strategy that will neutralize their advantages and leverage your advantages. Prepare a plan of attack. Good luck.

Let the creative juices flow, and let’s get ready to rumbllllllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEE!!! Superhero style.

The Top 10 of Everything of 2009

December 20, 2009 2 comments

Here’s a little recap of 2009, Google Wave style

Learn how Google Wave works in 10 minutes

Before you react to the title of this post, I did not make a top 10 list for everything in 2009 because that would be crazy. And to the best of my knowledge, I am still relatively sane. The people crazy enough to make such a list, happen to work at TIME.

The Top 10 of Everything of 2009

What I am highlighting here at The best ten, are 10 of their top 10 lists that caught my interest. It’s really a great way to get a handle on everything that went down this year in about half an hour. Catch the viral videos you missed, get some background on that news event everyone was talking about, and even read the top tweets of the year.

Top 10 news stories

Like it or not, these 10 events changed the world to some degree, maybe with the exception of #10, since no one really cares what happens in Sri Lanka. What are they known for anyway? For being South of India? The other 9 events however, either had a direct impact on you, or will indirectly affect you sometime in the future. I’m glad Michael Jackson made the list, because the value of his music on the world is incalculable. Some great Michael Jackson videos here.

1. The lingering economic crisis – After hundreds of billions of dollars spent, the auto industry is dying, banks are as greedy as ever, is the economy actually getting better?

2. Extending the war in Afghanistan – 8 years in, and still no end in sight

3. Political riots in Iran – As people took to the streets and the government cracked down, millions from around the world lent words and prayers of support, to no avail.

4. Health care reform – Despite all the political battles, the reform is making progress. How things will shake out will depend on the next few months of the new year.

5. Massacre at Fort Hood – Major Nidal Mulik Hasan killed 13 people and injured 30 on an American military base. The signs were there, why didn’t anyone react?

6. Death of Michael Jackson – We will miss you.

7. Terrorism in Pakistan – The war on terror rages in Pakistan, potentially American’s greatest threat.

8. Mexico’s bloody drug war – 14,000 deaths and counting. Mexico is so corrupt that it may already be too late.

9. Swine flu – Started in Mexico and spread like wildfire. Luckily it isn’t as lethal as we had feared. 4000 people have died in the US. But what about the next flu?

10. End of civil war in Sri Lanka – That’s all.

Top 10 Facebook stories

Hi. My name is Andy, and I’m a Facebook addict. 2009 was the year of the Facebook. We have all been using it for years but for the first time, parents, grandparents, and even babies got onto Facebook. And also for the first time in 2009, Facebook started making a profit. It also helped to create the Oxford word of the year “unfriend”. So let’s give it up for sharing our personal information and embarrassing pictures online and possibly jeopardizing our future careers!

1. 300 million users – 200 million in April, 300 million by November. 71% of Facebook users are not from the U.S.

2. Farmville - Over 62 of those 300 million are playing Farmville, who knew so many people wanted to be farmers?

3. Twitter fail – Facebook tried to acquire Twitter but failed. Why? No one knows how much Facebook is actually worth.

4. Pranking Techcrunch – A “Fax this photo” prank aimed that Techcrunch. Not really sure it’s actually funny.

5. Rights to photos – If your account is deleted, who do the pictures belong to? Facebook tried to take them, but the users wouldn’t have it. It is still yours.

6. The book about facebook – A supposedly non-fiction book written about Facebook. But how did he write it without ever talking to Mark Zuckerburg? Hmm…

7. Fans of Michael Jackson – Michael Jackson is the most popular celebrity on Facebook, with 10.3 million fans. 2nd place, Obama with around 6 million.

8. Nipples in photos – When the post-mastectomy photos of Sharon Adams were taken off, the public reacted, and now the nipples are back on.

9. Unfriend becomes word of the year – Oxford made the decision on Nov 17. The actual word should be defriend, but who cares about grammar anymore.

10. White house gate crashers – Michaele and Tareq Salahi posted their White House party pictures on Facebook as a publicity stunt. Losers.

Top 10 Buzzwords

A great way of reviewing the cultural changes that occurred this year. From words like sexting to Autotune, these words in their own ways affected all of us. My favorite out of the 10? Beer Summit. As in we have serious issues to discuss, let’s call a beer summit. Just like Obama. Sorry professor, I’m late to class because I had to attend an international *cough beer* summit.

1. Sexting – More than 25% of teenagers are now sexting, or sex-texting. Wish I was a teenager again.

2. Public option – The buzzword used to refer to the health care reform

3. Autotune – A software tool used to make bad singers into popstars became the claim to fame of T-pain, who autotunes EVERYTHING. He now has an autotune Iphone app. I am T-pain.

4. Wise latina – Sonia Sotomayor became the first Hispanic Supreme Court justice, and she popularized the phrase Wise Latina. What can’t she do?

5. Death panel – Sarah Palin’s term for the health care reform, how far will she go to screw up this country?

6. Birther – The movement led by Orly Taitz to prove that president Obama is not a natural born citizen of the United States. It is still going on.

7. Opposite marriage – Term used to refer to same sex marriages by Miss California Carrie Prejean in the Miss America 2009 pageant.

8. Summer of death -  Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Walter Cronkite, Patrick Swayze, and the Taco Bell Chihuahua died this summer.

9. Beer summit – President Obama invited Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sergeant James Crowley to settle their differences after a racial profiling case over beer. Awesome.

10. Green shoots – Signs of economic turnaround. Maybe this coming spring?

Top 10 Gadgets

Who doesn’t like gadgets? They are a glimpse into the trends of the coming years. Iphone 3G or Droid, doesn’t matter if we can afford them or not, they’re just so freakin cool! These are the best gadgets and toys of 2009 and things we all wish we owned. Perfect timing since Christmas is just around the corner. Maybe this list will just happen to pop up in front of that generous uncle in Oregon…

1. Motorola Droid – Google’s Android OS combined with Verizon’s 3G network. Iphone watch out! $300

2. The Nook – Barnes and Nobel’s version of the Kindle. Similar technology with a few more features. $260

3. Dyson air multiplier – A fan that uses no blades??? $300-330

4. Iphone 3GS – You know it, it’s faster now. $200-300

5. Canon EOS-1D Mark IV – Everything you’d expect a $5000 camera to do.

6. Dell Adamo XPS – A super thin Dell laptop with a funky design. I like it. $1799

7. FinePix Real 3D WI (3D digicam) – The way of the future. Shoot Avatar like pictures for $600

8. Casio G-shock – Heavy Duty Watch $150

9. Beats Solo by Dr. Dre – Everything the musician wants you to hear and nothing else. $200

10. Panasonic G10 series plasma HDTV – THX certified for true home theater experience. Watch online content too. $1200-2000

Top 10 Business deals

How about the economy huh? 2009 was a year when everyone took an active interest in the economy. It is such a complicated thing that no one seemed to understand how it works, except for one man. The sage of Omaha, Warren Buffett. He again proved his investment genius by investing when no one else dared to and coming out the big winner. So far he has made approximately $3 billion on the Goldman Sachs trade alone. All hail Warren Buffett!

1. Berkshire Hathaway/Goldman Sachs – Buffett plopped down $5 billion when everyone else was selling, negotiated a better price than anyone else, and is now sitting pretty with billions more added to his wealth. He is the master of the fundamentals of investing, an art form that is practiced by the few.

2. JP Morgan/Chase – The firm that created mortgage backed securities found them too risky to invest in, and they were right. The non-move earned them $8.5 billion in the first 3 quarters of 2009.

3. BB&T/Colonial – Wachovia is gone, Bank of America is suffering, leaving BB&T to pick up the pieces of the biggest bank failure in 2009 and becoming the eighth largest bank based on assets.

4. Berkshire Hathaway/Burlington Northern – Berkshire acquired all of the railroad company with $26.3 billion of cash and stock. An unglamorous company that makes steady profits. Just how Warren Buffett likes them.

5. Ford – Grabbing a huge loan from banks before the recession, Ford is now the only one out of the big three to be it’s own driver. The other two had to surrender some control to Washington.

6. Blackrock/Barclays – The acquisition of Barclays makes Blackrock the world’s biggest asset manager. A mere 21 years after its founding by Larry Fink.

7. HP/EDS – EDS, founded by presidential hopeful Ross Perot, was acquired by HP in order to compete with IBM in the IT services industry. EDS’s profits were a big reason for HP staying in the black in 2009.

8. Google/AdMob – Omar Hamoui started AdMob 3 years ago, and this year sold it to Google for $750 million. It finds innovative ways to advertise on Iphone apps.

9. Time Warner/AOL – In a time of great change in the news and media industry, Time Warner spun off Cable and AOL in order to better navigate the choppy waters in the coming years.

10. Mead Johnson Nutrition – An IPO in Feb used a century’s worth of history and steady earnings to assure skittish investors. Its stock went up 90% by November from $24.

Top 10 Fleeting celebrities

Oh how America loves their celebrities. They’re Gods living in a human world. It’s no wonder then that some people are willing to go to any lengths to gain the fame they so desperately desire. But there is light in the dark. Like Susan Boyle, who at 47 auditioned for Britain’s got talent and was discovered as a great singer. So fame can be had, but it should be earned.

1. Octomom – single mom who is living with her parents and gave birth to octuplets after already having six children.

2. Susan Boyle – 47 year old Britain’s Got Talent contestant who shocked the world with her voice and attitude

3. Miss California – Famously uttered the phrase “Opposite marriage” when referring to same sex marriages during Miss America 2009

4. Orly Taitz – Led the birther movement which tried to prove president Obama was no born in the United States

5. Dr. Conrad Murray – Michael Jackson’s doctor who prescribed medication that ended up killing the King of Pop

6. Stephanie Birkitt – David Letterman’s assistant, whose ex-bf tried to blackmail Dave based on accounts in Stephanie’s diary

7. Tareq and Michaele Salahi – Crashed a White House party to get onto a reality TV show

8. John Yettaw – Tried to save a Burmese political prisoner, ended up getting her more time in jail

9. Rachel Uchitel – One of Tiger’s mistresses

10. Edgar (patient zero) Hernandez – The first confirmed Swine Flu case

Top 10 Heroes

Imagine this world if we had just as many heroes as celebrities. How would the world be different when people will sacrifice themselves to save others in danger? What would change if all bankers weren’t greedy and took care of their employees? How would our lives be if everyone performed above and beyond the call of duty? We should honor these heroes, for they truly make our lives better.

1. Captain Chesley Sullenberger – Landing an Airbus A320 in the Hudson safely and saving all those aboard is one heroic feat. He can be my wing man anytime. Here is the 3-D recreation of the event.

2. Neda Agha-Soltan – The murder seen around the world. Her death in Iran was caught on a camera phone and she became a symbol for resistance against oppression. Here is the video.

3. Mike Perham – The 16 year old who sailed around the world alone in his 50 foot yacht. Pretty awesome.

4. Captain Richard Phillips – Like a scene from a Tom Clancy novel. Captain Phillips, Somali pirates, a hijacking, fighting back, pirates escaping with Phillips as hostage, a U.S. destoryer, Navy SEALs, snipers, and 3 shots that ended the high seas adventure of a lifetime.

5. Kimberly Munley and Mark Todd – The two officers whose heroic actions stopped the massacre at Fort Hood.

6. Ally Jacobs and Lisa Campbell – The two University of California police officers whose instincts helped to rescue Jaycee Dugard.

7. Tan Zuoren – The democracy advocate put behind bars in China for exposing the cheap buildings that killed hundreds of students during the Sichuan quake.

8. Leonard Abess – A bank CEO who split up his $60 million bonus among 471 current and former employees. That’s an average of $127,000.

9. Sultan Munadi – A journalist who was shot to death during a rescue attempt. He went where nobody else would because somebody had to be there.

10. Muelmar Magallanes – A construction worker who saved dozens of lives and finally lost his own in the floods during Tropical storm Ketsana which hit the Philippines.

Top 10 Tv ads

Filming a great Tv ad is one great challenge. You have to convince people to like your brand or buy something without actually selling it and it all has to be done in 1  minute or less. It takes some creativity and expert film making to get it all done. These may not be my 10 favorite ads of the year, but they were all very memorable. And that’s good advertising. My favorite has to be the Traveler’s insurance one, it so perfectly encapsulates the emotion of worry.

1. Evian Roller Babies – I found it kinda creepy…

2. Hulu with Alec Baldwin – Alec Baldwin is an alien, as if we didn’t know that already.

3. Coca Cola heist – Coke always makes great commercials that sell nothing but good branding.

4. Careerbuilder.com super bowl commercial – Eh… it gets a little weird at the end.

5. Prius “Harmony” – Well done, giving the car a very green image.

6. American Express “Don’t take chances, take charge” – One of my favorites, I call it the “smiley faces”

7. Traveler’s insurance – #1 in my opinion. And here it is.

8. Budweiser with Conan – Hahahahaha Partie startah!

9. Shelter.org.uk – Houses of cards, definitely the saddest one of the bunch.

10. GM: reinvent – Good message and finally some honesty from the company.

Check out some odd commercials featuring Frisbees.

Top 10 video games

Awww yea, this is what I’m talking about. Too bad I can’t afford most of the consoles needed to play these games. No matter, I enjoy my Rome Total War just as much as these games… Oh who am I kidding. If you’re into gaming, I bet you can guess at least 4 titles on this list. Also check out, 10 hottest girls of gaming.

1. Modern Warfare 2 – I think war games are getting a little TOO close to reality. Is it a good thing? I’ll tell you after I play the game.

2. Batman: Arkham Asylum – Just the cover itself is badass. Not to mention the scenario where you’re trapped in Arkham Asylum surrounded by all your worst enemies.

3. DJ Hero – The era of the musical games is just getting started. I’m waiting for the next DDR…

4. Borderlands – Haven’t heard much about this one, sounds kinda like Fallout, but more open ended.

5. New Super Mario Bros – For those that still like 2-D side scrolling action.

6. Geo-defense Swarm – An Iphone app making it onto this list is pretty impressive, considering the lack of buttons.

7. Scribblenauts – A puzzle game like no other puzzle game before. Very curious.

8. Halo 3 ODST – Just look at that picture, just look at it!

9. Assassin’s creed 2 – The game that’s actually an art history lesson? Hmm… okay!

10. Uncharted 2 – This game won much acclaim and shouldn’t be this low.

Top 10 viral videos

My favorite! If you haven’t figured it out yet, I love videos, especially viral videos. I figured I had this list covered but was surprised to learn of the 2 videos which I hadn’t yet seen. Very enjoyable list, enjoy! The Deadline video was featured in a previous post on Post-it videos. And the single babies video was part of my very first post!

1. Susan Boyle – See above

2. Kevin Heinz and Jill Peterson’s wedding – Interpretive dancing to Chris Brown’s Forever at a wedding. There is a sequel, but they tried too hard.

3. David after dentist – Kids on drugs, we should see more of that.

4. All the single babies – Either s/he is gonna be a great dancer, or a great stripper

5. Slate V: The all-star celebrity rant – combining the angry profanity laced rants of several celebrities, starring Christian Bale.

6. Total Eclipse of the Heart (literal version) – Now I understand all that craziness in this video!

7. United Breaks Guitars – Eh…

8. The longest way 1.0 – Walking from Beijing to Germany, one picture at a time.

9. Deadline: Post-It stop motion - See 10 uses for Post-its you never thought of.

10. Flutter – Ya know, I think it could work. Brevity is the soul of wit.

Well there it is, all the most important things that happened in the year 2009. It was a year of great change for me, having moved back from the Philippines after a 3 year extended vacation in paradise. But I have no regrets. It was a great year where I lived a lot, learned a lot, and grew a lot. So here’s to 2010, the best year of our lives.

The best use of Frisbees in commercials

December 17, 2009 5 comments

This post is part of the Best Ultimate Frisbee websites project

Sex sells.

In fact, sex sells so well that it will make grown men want to buy women’s underwear.

Sports stars sell.

Jordan has sold everything from cotton to Big Macs, because we trust him. Tiger woods used to be among the most trusted, but not so much anymore.

Even Geckos can sell.

And he’ll tell you why. I wonder, does he have a name? Or is he just the Geico Gecko?

All those are tried and true tactics in the advertising industry that will make the average consumer go out and buy what they’re selling. But what about us smarter Frisbee playing folks who are immune to the subliminal messaging powers of commercials?

Well obviously, they have to use Frisbee to sell to us. Considering that there are approximately 4.5 million people who played Ultimate last year, that is quite a decent market to target. But the product they are promoting aren’t always in sync with what Ultimate represents.

Snickers

If anything Ultimate players are concerned with their health. Our regular diet consists of bagels, apples, bananas, and peanut butter. We’ll have an energy bar or two on occasion, but a Snickers bar??? We still do like chocolate but this ad is just way off. I have never had the urge to eat a snickers while playing Ultimate. Except for on Halloween.

Pepsi

Snickers was bad, but Pepsi ain’t much better. Carbonated high fructose beverages during an Ultimate game? At least it’s only the spectators who are drinking it.

If anyone tried a behind the head catch during a game, they are either the stud, or they never played again. EVER.

Cellphones

I guess everyone uses cellphones so why not Frisbee players. This is probably the best made commercial. The message of connecting throughout the city is well executed.

Jeep

This one has a pretty cool idea. Ultimate players love hiking and the outdoors, so tossing on the mountains fits the target.

However, the last guy makes a ridiculously easy drop. It would have been nice to see him make a layout bid for it. And also the commercial is about gas guzzling Jeeps, not very high on the shopping list of Ultimate players.

Nike

This one gets close. It’s Nike, it’s about sportswear and equipment, and we love good sportswear and equipment.

The commercial is well made with a decent sound track. But what is it promoting? Freestyle Frisbee? So I went to Nikefreestyle.com hoping to see some more Frisbee stuff and what do I find? Nothing…

Beer

Now we’re talking!

Miller lite

Michelob Ultra

Yea it’s only light beer but hey, can’t really complain about beer. I say these two are the clear finalists.

Michelob Ultra takes the title due to:

1. It’s about Ultimate

2. The illegal self macking and the gratuitous layout

3. The hot girl who can score on you, or with you… whichever.

Comon guys, I’m sure those of us in the marketing and advertising industry can come out with something much better than those. You know any other good commercials out there? Let us know in the comments please!

For more commercials, check out Wham-o, and the story of the Frisbee

This post is part of the Best Ultimate Frisbee websites project

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 51 other followers